i just need to know what exactly to do to help him… like, obviously now thinking about it, being upset and nagging and punishing isnt going to help…. That makes it concrete. I have both too, and they’re very different. It never occurred to me to maybe switch to a different cup size or remember to pour less coffee. The garden is producing lots of cucumbers and tomatoes, a few eggplants and peppers. You want to have a concrete plan in your hand of the tasks that need to happen. You’re right on about neither of it being effective advice though. I’m going to give you one concept that I think encapsulates a lot of how I approach doing this. I don’t vaccuum my house all in one day, I break it down so that I do it one room at a time. I have both procrastination issues and executive function problems. For a 6-year old, a visual list is best. I don’t subscribe anymore, but those reminders helped me back on course for a while a few years back. And now that I’ve started taking EF advice on board, I notice I’m starting to see a reduction in the severity of that cycle. maybe its not intentional procrastination, and maybe if i stop labeling it as such, and start being more positive, i can try to not put down my son’s actions that might not be intentional. It’s not like fixing them would take a huge amount of time or effort. ” There’s a spot on the floor. We want to get it within the threshold so that they can go, “Okay, I can do that. When a student can chunk it down they can contemplate, “I can get that thing done, I got this.” or “I can get part of that. I would love it to be a model home, but I would be more stressed about it if it were. Not being able to picture what’s next can trigger genuine dysfunction. “Don’t mind my dust. 😛, Which is why, despite planning to do so over Easter Weekend, I never did get around to cataloging my 1500 books…. Sorry about the me-rant. That! Oh, I’m so glad that you’re finding the posts helpful and that you can relate to them. I wonder how it got there. If it’s from 3 days ago, it’s tomato sauce. It required a lot of executive function. I have 5 impacts and consequences of procrastination to share.  who knows. But often that doesn’t take into consideration the legitimacy of executive function challenges. “Hmmmm, I really need to figure out a cleaning organization for my dining table area. It may work in the short-term through shaming the kid or putting a lot of pressure on a kid, but it doesn’t work in the long term to help the kid learn what they need to learn. lol. Then I think, why not self-host this? Very confusing for a girl like me. (a specific example that happened to me at a job once.). I can work for 10 minutes or 20 minutes with this,” is concrete that helps people get started to self to focus and get their attention. That’s why once I get started, cleaning can take me hours longer than it should because I find all sorts of little cleaning projects that I should do in addition to the usual maintenance tasks. And having someone else cleaning occasionally forces me to pick up all of the stuff that ends up scattered around because I don’t like people touching my stuff. I will leave my keys in the door, send them through the wash or put them somewhere truly bizarre if I don’t make a point to put them in the same spot every time I walk in the house. i HATE my “yelling” ! I like, as a coach and a human being, I’m a very big picture person. I end up feeling very guilty when I come back later and realise my husband had finished it off and not even mentioned it to me (after more than a decade of executive fail, maybe he’s used to it), Oh. I admit that most of my cleaning happens in frenzied chunks, when I find out that I’m getting a rare visitor. Unimatrix Zero. I had a look at flylady a few days before this post but I found the tone of voice made me anxious. Oh, right, there’s an empty water glass in my hand.”. Luckily my husband has become more more understanding about me after my diagnosis last year. Donate, So what’s the other side of the coin? I tittered at this as nothing ever occurs to me, EVER! Not doing it for me, but rather modelling how to clean a room as they do it with me. Procrastination really takes a lot of energy for them to procrastinate. You verbalized something that I have been unable to verbalize for, literally, decades. When I read the lists, they seem to apply more to males than females. It’s not that they don’t want to do it, just that it seems impossible. You make a great point–these are really minor problems I’m talking about. It annoys me. I see all these things out if place or something doesn’t add up and my mind goes off on a tangent for a bit then I remember what I was supposed to be doing. No, wait…the tea glass from yesterday is on the windowsill. It’s great to hear that it helped. I am parenting two Aspie daughters & Then we go to concrete. You do 20 minutes only of a cleaning/tidying/deal with clutter task and then take a 10 minute break (called 20/10). Which is silly because I could just make something else, right? So are all of the cleaning supplies being handy. Thank you for the rec! I even manage to spray surfaces and then completely forget to wipe them off afterwards! Is the stuff on your top shelves the way it should be? Start up high. And for some reason I’m the only person on earth who can’t grown squash? It’s already been a week since I got back from vacation, but I still haven’t gotten around to organizing some of the stuff I bought during that time. Then it feels logical or part of a pattern to wipe the counters clean, in an “if-then” way. and scheduled activities saved me: in saving money on having to hire someone to rescue-clean my house a few years back and more vitally: I have some habits which prevent the house from getting to what is called the ‘can’t have anyone over syndrome: ( spells out c h a o s ). But even though I know that, when I’m in perfectionism procrastination mode, I can’t shake the feeling that if I start before I have it figured out, I’ll screw it up somehow. Homework, responsibilities, things that lead to a bigger goal. Add in a few times of them getting chastised for not doing enough, and now your kid is too anxious to do anything out of fear that it’ll be the wrong thing and they’ll get yelled at. ” So, one suspected “aspie” to another, I’m with you. My routine helps to save me. Funnily enough unfuckyourhabitat seems far more natural to me. We do that by chunking by task and by time. “Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome” – oh that is brilliant! Take dust. What my procrastination looks like: Me taking a month to fill out my PhD application due to irrational fears of inadequacy resulting in me needing to find the perfect way to write my application essay, me freezing in anxious indecision when told I won’t be allowed out of my room until it’s clean as a kid and deciding I can just read books all afternoon. By the time I’ve had my coffee, the water’s had time to loosen any gunk, plus there’s visual reminders (the counter’s wet, the spray bottle is out). The right way to really look at this in my opinion and I work with a lot of kids who struggle with this stuff and I have for many years, the right way to approach this isn’t to use those terms, but is to say, “Hey kid, how do we help you learn skills to help you self start, even when it’s a non-preferred task.” Obviously, I wouldn’t use those words with the student, but the essence of this is how do we empower you, the student, to have skills, to have tips, tricks, strategies? We break it down into small chunks. I am more soft around the edges, more approachable, and always analyzing human behavior. So when you are thinking, if you are listening to somebody speak about executive function and they’re speaking about the other side of this procrastination coin, what they are going to say in clinical speak is they’re going to the term ‘task initiation.’ Task initiation is to initiate a task. But I need to think about that first: do I spray it or wipe the floor? A task for math might be doing one problem, it might be checking your work, it might be doing 5 problems, it might be doing the front page, it might be putting your name on the top of the math paper, it might be reading the instructions. i see i see. I can at least get started. Procrastination is basically two sides of the same coin. One word is chunking and there two ways to chunk. I find it’s easier to break down the tasks into smaller chunks and not do them all at once. Wait, why did I come to the kitchen? Doing things in small chunks seems to be an effective strategy. Executive function is a set of cognitive skills that are needed for self-control and managing behaviors. She breaks chores down into small, easily managed steps. We work with baby-steps. When that breaks down, it’s called executive dysfunction (we have a post about it linked from the Popular Questions and Posts page, see the sidebar). Procrastination is … Have you seen Rudy Simone’s Female Asperger’s Traits? If it feels abstract it feels big, it feels overwhelming. Because I was gifted growing up, and so obviously can’t have any learning/developmental issues (sarcasm alert – making fun of my parents and schoolteachers here. Now, I will tell you what you will often see in terms of procrastination as an aspect of executive function. Plus, she’s younger, so that might have something to do with it. Ericka, I think that because you realise what might be causing his behaviour, it could become a lot less frustrating! The cleaning, even if it’s only once a month or occasionally, is well worth it when you’re in a position to do that. Maybe find a color-coded sticky note system that works. Thank you for this. I see a lot of typical aspie traits in you, just from what you’ve written here, especially things like perfectionism and the social coping mechanisms. Traditionally, procrastination has been associated with perfectionism: a tendency to negatively evaluate outcomes and one's own performance, intense fear and avoidance of evaluation of one's abilities by others, heightened social self-consciousness and anxiety, recurrent low mood, and "workaholism".However, adaptive perfectionists—egosyntonic perfectionism—were less likely to … Yay! What do you think abstraction does to emotionally? Number 5: Finally, energy depletion. you’re right. None of them make it to the store with me, but at least they’re good lists. I was severely depressed at times. Background While passive procrastination is usually associated with distress and dysfunction active procrastination may be an effective coping style. ( Log Out /  Goodness. I thought processes are very similar. And congratulations by the way! As this month draws to a close, it’s likely that you’re stocking up on fun-size candy (sampling to ensure quality, of course) and perhaps carving a pumpkin or two with your family. Isn’t ‘being distracted before you reach your goal’ also part of problems with EF? Procrastination is an age-old struggle, dating to well before the clichéd advice of Benjamin Franklin: “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” And while none of us can refute that Ben was a pretty smart guy, I, myself, have always found it easier to identify with Gone With the Wind heroine Scarlett O’Hara, as she laments “I can’t think about that right now. It’s a fact that people procrastinate, but there can be many reasons why they do it. To test this possibility, we examined passive and active procrastination in terms of temperament, character, and emotional intelligence (EI), as well as by a short-term longitudinal study. Summary. And also, disgusting.”. This is stupid. 🙂, I know exactly what you mean. I love your ideas for tubs of wipes and having the cleaning squeegees in the shower with you. If a student wants a car and they want to buy a car, well all of the work that it takes to get the car, there’s a lot of work to that, or even just getting a driver’s license, there’s a lot of executive function that’s required the one big goal. Questions/Advice/Support. If you haven’t signed up for my blog on my site, I send out a new video at least every week and I do a lot of things to help support people struggling with executive function. It’s not as if I only have ingredients for one meal. I just wanted to say that I’m glad for your feeling of validation! Here’s what I mean. It’s so strange that even when we know that we’re not doing anything about we just continue to not to do anything! *Is it attracting bugs? Why we procrastinate. Number (2) we chunk by task. Number 2: The relationships. I’m usually all about routine and it does feel like having a set time or day to do stuff would make it easier. But I called him a sweetheart because I remember it so well, getting a new baby brother (twice, in my case). Wouldn’t it be more like ocd if you kept cleaning the floor every time there is a speck of dust on it?? and i should know this too because its happened to me. I once read that clutter is delayed decision-making. But it’s far too common that I won’t be able to acknowledge that a problem exists long enough to write it on the list. (1) is by time (2) is by task. Oh, the perfect system! This is so familiar I had to laugh a bit! Oh, that’s what that wand is for. It may work in the short-term through shaming the kid or putting a lot of pressure on a kid, but it doesn’t work in the long term to help the kid learn what they need to learn. Posted Jun 12, 2019 Funny thing is, I usually psych myself up ridiculously, realize I’m being ridiculous, say “This is ridiculous. on the suck-o-meter. The 8-inch long thread that’s been hanging off the bathroom rug since the last vacuuming? So you can chunk it by task. You may also want to visit the page discussing ways to help your child develop Organization Skills with IEP goals for Organization. ( Log Out /  So, what is the right way to do this? There are so many EF barriers to overcoming E F dysfunction. So those are sort of the common ones that we see. We tend to procrastinate something important by doing things that also have to be done but aren’t as important. I also don’t know how to get out of the “helper” identity. I think you might find it more helpful than the typical lists of traits, which as you say are mainly based on males. It is knowing that you need to do something and choosing not to do it at this time. “Hey, I can get the ball rolling with it. 😛. I have incredible powers of observation and mimicry. If you’re watching me on YouTube feel free to tell me what you think and what works for you for the students that you are working with. My thought process is literally: There’s a spot on the floor. Getting started in and of itself is a difficult thing when you don’t want to do it, when it is a non-preferred activity. Lists! This looks promising, thank you for the recommendation! 😉. EF is characterized by me becoming aware of a deadline the day it’s due and then mad-dashing it to get it done. So for ex. Especially the routine of where I put things. I definitely find it worth budgeting for and any time I’ve had to cut back financially, I’ve found there are quite a few things I’ll give up before I’ll give up having someone clean occasionally. he hasnt really done that. My jaw just dropped on the idea of having a soap wand in the shower. I still get the cycle, don’t get me wrong. For example, I don’t take out the vacuum to vacuum the entryway because it seems like a big chore, but when I force myself to stop and really think about it, in reality it would take less than five minutes. You see procrastinators know they have to do that thing, but they don’t get busy doing it. 🙂, Yup. You’re welcome! All hail the “I won’t get it wrong if I never really start it!” <- I do that! At least that way I don’t have to worry about the electricity suddenly getting cut off. 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